Random thoughts on hypocrisy.....

Here's the thing.  I have long preached (and I'm sure in previous blog posts!!) that change is inevitable...good, even! I shout it from the rooftops to anyone who will listen...CHANGE, CHANGE, CHANGE.  It's what life is all about.  It's invigorating.  It brings us to new heights in our human experience.  It allows us to see things in a new light and for us to become better people.

In other words, it's good for us. Difficult, but good.

I still believe it is...deep down in my inner self.

And as much as I believe it to be so, I fail at change when it involves me having to let go of things...well, family, to be more exact. I fear it. It is my form of hypocrisy.

I can say it all in my head and know it to be true that letting go of children is how life is supposed to be...until I have to do the actual severing.

Is it just moms who find this difficult?  I don't know.  Perhaps our nurturing side gets in the way of allowing things to become what they were meant to be.

In my life, I have lost people very dear to me...parents, grandparents, a sibling, close friends, in-laws and cousins...to death.

But the letting go of our children, even thought they're all grown up, has been a more difficult thing for me, for various and probably unwarranted reasons.

Having said all of this, however, I'm beginning to realize, finally, the importance of contemplative prayer in my life.  I'm realizing that letting go of everything...thoughts, ideas, notions, experiences (past and present), children...everything...and letting God have that space within, is what is needed for me to be truly free and to embrace change without fear. It will also allow ME to become who God desires me to be.

Letting go....

Free falling.....

As frightening as it is, I know it's my next step in life.

Jack Frost...beware...he's out to get us...

Hey...it's been almost 2 months since the last posting here.  There's good reason for this!

If you're on Facebook, you already know I've been having my annual winter "moments of illness". And that's all I'll say about that!!!

Life is going by at a very quick pace, seems to me.  Since retirement it has almost gotten out of control.  It used to be that one day would run into another but I'm now finding that one month runs into another.  Wasn't it just January....yesterday?  Nope.  Heading into March this week!  Perhaps that is what happens when one is sick, also.  Your days speed by as you attempt to cope with the illness...doctors appointments, new drugs, trying to breathe, lack of sleep, etc. etc. You just want to be well and so those hours run into days, then into weeks and finally into months.  It can get away on you.

The one good thing though is that Shannon and Brittney had birthdays in February and so we managed to be together for one of those events.  Having Matt home for these few months added to the enjoyment of 'family time'.  It was good too, to have Brittney come home from Saskatoon for a very brief visit.  Do we ever see our children enough?  I really don't think so.....such is life....

So now the long wait through this next week as it gets down to honkin' cold temps.  I can't say I enjoy minus 35 degrees especially when March is on the horizon...and dare I say, spring is lurking but afraid to show her face quite yet. Jack Frost can be such a spoil sport.

So let's look forward to this:

It won't be long....

Priorities....

Life has been ticking along.  Some areas good.  Some not so good. But they are progressing at least, not going too far backward!

There has been so much going on in the past two months...not so much inwardly, unfortunately, but outwardly.  The busyness of life sometimes takes over and makes one shirk the responsibilities of one's inner life....spirit and soul life. That's not good.

It's usually circumstances of one sort or another that brings a person to, once again, face the realities of their own lives.  I like to think that I've been doing a fairly superb job at being a good..._____fill in the blank. It could be friend....boss....parent....wife....or any number of possibilities that one can think of.  When we are faced head on with our short-comings, however, life takes a bit of a spin.  It initially begins with our feeling incompetent, which in turn, leads us to feeling somewhat overwhelmed at our failures and then we begin the downward spiral into melancholy.

However, there is another way to face these "incompetencies".  It's realizing that, yes, we are constantly failing at one thing or another and then not to turn inwardly, but to ponder over this realization and think about how one can make the situation better.

It involves that tiny little word....e g o...

So small.

So significant.

It shouts, "I'm important!" "Make me first!"  "I'm your #1 priority!"

That constant wailing should bring us up short.

I'm beginning to learn that letting go of those things that seem to matter most in life, is the beginning of disallowing my little E G O to have it's way with me. Yes, I said "beginning to"!  You'd think after 66 years of living, I could have learned how to not trust anything that I think may make me look better than I really am.

I'm learning things.  How to speak more clearly.  How to confront lovingly. How to express feelings that are genuine and caring.  I think I have been doing those things to a degree, but you know, there is always a great deal of RFI (room for improvement). This is a part too, of our church's "Behavioral Covenant", where it says something to the effect..."we need to speak openly and honestly with one another and to offer our opinions with love and humility."  Things like that.  It takes practice. It takes work.  It takes failure.  Only when we fail, do we realize our need for those RFI's!!!!

So, it's not just in church matters, or work-related matters...it's also in family matters too.

We must do many things to really see change come into effect.  Setting priorities.  Doing some meditating. Letting go of our ego.  Letting go of our "things", which include opinions, thoughts, jewelry, judgments, furniture, cars, sons, grandchildren, relationships, wives/husbands, pets, houses, trips, daughters, church, work.....ya.  That's quite a bit of "letting go", I'd say. It means too, to let go of these things that become first place in our lives in order for God to take rightful place. The first of the Ten Commandments state: "You shall have no other gods before me."  These "things" in our lives can take over and become little gods to us...can take over in the number one spot.

Actually, Jesus says it best:  "...anyone who sacrifices home, family, fields—whatever—because of me will get it all back a hundred times over, not to mention the considerable bonus of eternal life. This is the Great Reversal: many of the first ending up last, and the last first."  

Personally, I like the "whatever" part!  It seems to include much of life!  But when our priorities are wrong, we end up last. Switch those priorities around (and that means making the decision to do so coming from the heart) then we end up first!  It's what Jesus said, at least.

So, I shall continue on this course of improvement.  Should you see me acting unbecomingly and contrary to all I have mentioned here, please feel free to approach me and make me accountable.  It's what love does.

As the song goes..."...these are a few of my favorite things".  Am I willing to let them take a back seat...even my family, in order for God to be number one?

  Good question.  It's become a priority.....I'm working on it...