Ya. It's just strange visiting Randall's blog where he has a link to his sermon, where he's speaking to a whole new group of people.....and not to us, at Gateway.
So many feelings I had as I sat there and listened to him talk to them about love...loving the unlovely, those whom we dislike....but loving them because Jesus said we should.
And in the middle of listening to that, I began to cry. Not sure what it was at first, but there were great sobs that just went on and on.
I must confess I was feeling envious, perhaps jealous of and angry at those people in Malmo. Randall and Lauralea were OURS and now those people have taken them away from us and we are left to fend for ourselves........and we all loved them so much........and why did God have to call them away anyway.........and we all felt so comfortable with one another.........and now these, these, these OTHER people get to enjoy their fellowship .........and ........and..........and........
Ya. As I said.....I had to confess those feelings.
I know that their call to Malmo was from God. I know that God will provide for us and IS providing for us daily. Marc and Linea and the rest of the speakers have and will continue to bring us the Word each Sunday and we are blessed. I know my feelings of envy and jealousy are wrong. But still, I feel abandoned........even though in reality it isn't true. God never abandons us, but I FEEL like a little child, left without a parent.
These feelings will eventually disappear, but in the meantime, I grieve. I miss them. They are still in my heart and are loved. I just need to continue to work through this whole thing. And of course, grieving my dear Auntie at the same time, doesn't help either.
Thanks for hearing my confession................may God have mercy on me..........
6 comments:
Ya, I felt some of those same feelings this afternoon, Sharon. Except for me it was listening to the piano player playing the communion songs and imagining them sharing in communion there.
I guess we're still grieving. Grieving for a lot of things...
Perhaps next month I'll be able to say how happy I am for all those folks in the field church....but not yet.....:-(
Yeah
You have had a lot on your plate over the last 3+ months. I consider tears a healthy way of cleaning out ones soul. You and the congregation were extremely fortunate to have that bond with Randall - think of all the wonderful things you have learned, practiced and discussed - now to pass on to simple people like me who want to learn and share. It is your spiritual strength that I find I want to learn from you (bad english, but I hope you get the point). There is nothing wrong with how you feel at this time Sharon. I wish hugs could take all your pain away - I would hold you all day if it would! dw
Yeah, you've had much to grieve over these days. Allow yourself to grieve well. Give yourself time and don't be too hard on yourself for those feelings or that pain.
It's ok. God is big enough and good enough to take it.
Miss you guys.
... and I love the pics you've begun to add too. Looks great.
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