Death aftermath...

Experiencing the death of a loved one can be bitter-sweet.  We will them to stay with us...and yet...because of their constant suffering we will them to something better than this life affords. 

And death can allow us to become one of the ones who knows first-hand of it's sting...it's unbearable pain. 

We can't take a pill to make it go away. 

We can't run away.

We can't busy ourselves into forgetfulness. 

The pain is constant and it strikes harder in moments of sweet memory.  We can't make those memories leave us either and most often we don't want to...it's really all there is left. 

A bed made for two that now holds one in loneliness...a chair at the table is empty...the laughter, the jokes, the quirky humour, the teasing....gone.  We find ourselves left with one tangible thing.  We remain alive....and alone.  Our hearts keep beating.  We swallow some food to nourish our miserable bodies.  We attempt to have a sense of being normal again but find that sense is illusive.  We need it but we don't really want it...not yet.  We don't want to be normal just yet because we think being normal means leaving all those feelings of our loved one behind.  In fact, we get to feeling that our lives will never again be the same.  And there is truth to that. The person who has died has left a huge gap in the life of the family.  There is no one who can fill that void and we don't want anyone even trying. 

Crying is exhausting and yet it becomes our way of beginning to heal the pain of loss.  As days go by, the feelings of loss wash over us like huge ocean waves...uncontrollable, drowning us in our own tears, smashing us down again and again until we think there is nothing more. 

Weeks pass. 

We hear someone laugh and we find we are able to not cringe at the thought of such things amidst our sorrow. 

The sun peeks in through the window and we notice it's warmth...it's not gray outside after all. 

We are able to have a conversation with another without tears pouring down our cheeks.

The pain becomes less and the memories become more vivid.  We think of our loved one with a smile on our lips instead of weeping. 

Yes, the aftermath of death is painful and it hurts to our very soul but we find eventually that life begins to take us to the next level of being human....we have experienced death and know.  We have become one of those who can go on to help someone else in their pain.  We learn to sit and listen and hear the stories of the one who has gone.  We learn that life will not always be as painful.  We learn empathy.

Our faith can bring healing too.  There is a "peace that passes all understanding".  It is when we allow God to carry our burden of pain and to allow him to walk with us through the valley of the shadow of death, that our burden becomes lighter. 

Jesus said "Come to me, all you who are weary and brokenhearted and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls, for my yoke is easy and my burden is light."  To me, that is the best possible remedy for "death aftermath".

May my friends be comforted this night with the peace of Christ and by the fellowship of those who love them in their time of sorrow.