So, how exactly does one post about something that is totally much too personal but really SHOULD be posted because it the cause of much consternation, pain and suffering for the past many days. It has been a pain the butt for me, but honestly, I just don't know if it's worth posting about it here.
Walking is OK. Sleeping is fine. I don't DO running, so I'm OK there.;-) But take me to my full-time office job where one pulls up ones fine ergonomic chair to do the office chores of the day and well, as I say, it's just a pain in the butt. I like my job, don't get me wrong. I enjoy the typing and the phone calls and the ordering and the hotel reservations and yes, even the monthly financial bank statement...not to mention the hearing out of my friends as they tell me their stories of life.
But all of that these days, even with my lovely ergonomic chair, is, as I have said, a pain in the butt.
How many of you out there have been pregnant....not to change the subject or anything....but I want a show of hands. OK. So those of you with your arms raised, did sitting in a chair become a thing of pain and loathing for you in your last trimester? Did your feet swell up and you became like a bloated, dead cow? And with all that pressure on your "lower parts" with having 15-20 pounds of child plus many extra quarts of unknown liquid, did you ever have excruciating pain after.....shall we say...uhhhh............well, OK males may now stop reading.......................................having a "time of bowel relief" finding huge nodules "down there" where once there were none? Yes? Being pregnant has it's perks....and it also has it's new adventures in anal-ity......(I just made that word up). See where I'm going with this? I haven't had this problem for....let's see....coming up 27 years....and low and behold, I have to take a rolled up towel with me, wheresoever I may take my butt...which really is everywhere, isnt' it!
So, my next question is....if you're still with me through this very unpleasant conversation...how do you sit on a rolled up towel (in a circle like a donut) inconspicuously in a very public office?
YOU DON'T.
You simply roll up your towel, place it on your chair, and ease into it, pushing at the edges front and back...just so....making like your hands are going underneath your legs and you look like some kind of pervert! After others have witnessed this disgusting act, you simply stand up, show them your little donut hole, and let them draw their own conclusion about what is going on in your little corner of the office. You may get a few giggles, a few eyebrows raised, some comments like "too much information"....but it's all OK.
It's all good....a bit humiliating....but good for letting go of ones ego, if nothing else.
Yes, my name is Sharon Kent....and I have hemorrhoids.
We will now return to our regularly scheduled programming.
2 comments:
I find if you give them nicknames like "Ben and Jerry" or something like that, it makes it a little more funny and a little less embarassing. But I see you've got a sense of humour about it all ready. :)
I'm not sure about nicknames but Ken thought my theme song should be "Ring of Fire"...looks like he sees the humour in it as well.:)
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