Here....or there....

We were close, my older brother, Garry, and I.  Not so much in proximity, (although an hour and a half away is really quite close) but close in heart.  Does that make sense?  Close in our 'heart ways'.  Close in our senses of humour. Close in our 'people ways'.

But....I was here...and he was there....

Does it really make that much difference when siblings live a ways away from one another?  It doesn't seem to make any difference at all when it comes to how we feel about each other...even if I am here....and he is there....

We grew up together.  Ate together.  Played together.  Laughed together. Cried together (when mother settled disputes!!!). Went to church together. He went his way and I went mine after eighteen years of being in the same house.  But love doesn't leave or separate. Still, I was here...and he moved there.....

Years came and went. We'd phone though at Christmas or special days like birthdays and St. Patrick's Day and days to tell one another that this one or that one had passed away....or election days!  But with a family in tow, it wasn't easy to jump into the car and go for a visit...for either of us.  Especially when I was here...and he was there....

Our family members...one by one....died.  We comforted each other as best we could with tears and words and hugs.  Even when he had been very ill, he managed to come and be with me as we grieved together the loss of a younger brother, a father, a mother...we were family...and he and I were what was left. I was here....and although he was there....he selflessly came here.....

And so, as I grieve with tears at his memory and my loss, I look back on our lives together...yet apart.  The way it is supposed to be.

Still, even though he was in the hospital in his last days, saying he didn't want visitors, I am needing to come to terms with not going to see him. I knew him well enough to say he had a subborn streak a mile long, not unlike my own:)  so I was appreciating his wishes...and not going to him.  He would be out in a few short days, I was told.  It made me anxious with his blood pressure so low...that I was here.....and he was there.....

Now, the end of his life has come.  New life is happening in that sacred place for him...a place where I cannot yet be....yet, for now....I am here....and he is there....rejoicing!