Here's the story.
Went down to Saskatoon Tuesday afternoon, checked into hotel and I was very, very anxious about this MRI happening with my claustrophobia and all. I thought of many things to get away from any anxiety but it seemed like it was no use. We had supper with friends and that kind of eased the agony as we visited and chatted away...but in the back of my mind, the key thought was "being enclosed". Phobias are very strange things, are they not? I thought of ways I might overcome this thing but there was not time to put them into practice before the event!!
After supper, off we went to the university hospital. Husband found a wheelie type chair and pushed me down isles, around corners, onto and from elevators, through doors and finally to the emergency department where I had to be registered. And I thought the P.A. hospital ER department was chaotic! OH MY GOODNESS!!!! It was like a scene from one of those doctor shows...people being wheeled in on stretchers, children crying hysterically, one fellow wandering through the doors with a cloth on his head with blood dripping down and looking like he needed a doctor. The nurses seemed completely in control!!! So all of this excitement kept me from thinking of the looming MRI machine awaiting me very shortly.
Up we went again to the main floor and into the MRI department. This was after 8 PM and there were people waiting patiently for their turn...and I quickly joined the ranks. No one else seemed nervous.
The nurse came and let us sit in a room with a TV until they were ready. It was a small room. I wonder if they were attempting to get me used to that closed-in feeling. At any rate, husband and I watched the Shelby Car Auction. Some of those beauties were going for well over $100,000. So I didn't think too much about "The Machine" for 15 minutes or so!
Then it was my turn.
Away I went down the hall, hobbling on my crutches, while the nurse asked questions like, "Do you have anything metal in your body that you know of?". "No, nothing I can think of...unless a doctor left in a scalpel during my last operation!"....attempting to give a little levity to the situation. "Are you wearing a bra with wire in it?". "No, the other nurse made me take it off!!!"....says I. At this point, I was very glad that it was just Miss Nurse and I hobbling/flopping down the hallway!!! "Are you wearing any jewelery at all?". "No", says I, as we rounded the corner into "The Room".
There he sat. All turquoise and off white...shiny and clean and round. A hole ran through his middle and a seat was attached to his front. He was shorter than I had expected......but that whole!!! He was ready to swallow me up in one bite!
"Let me take those crutches from you after you sit down here", says nurse..."Oh, and give me your glasses too!". That was very good. As soon as my glasses were off, I could hardly see anything anyway!
"Now just turn towards the machine and fit your legs into these little sections and move down just a bit more, now rest your head back. There...comfortable?", she asked. "Yes, comfortable!", says I.
"Here are some head phones. What channel do you want?". "Anything! I like anything at all!", says I, heart beginning to pound now as I lay there. I figured now would be a good time to close my eyes and begin to think of other things. Things like other people having to use this machine who were so very sick and in life-threatening situations...things like my children and their situations in life....things like God, and his goodness to me.....you know, good stuff like that.
I felt the machine begin to move forward. My thoughts went heavenward while I asked God to keep my heart from exploding all over the machine because it would be some mess for this poor nurse to clean up!
The music began to play funky music into my ears. I was beginning to bop my head to the beat, while asking God if this would be the end of me, when all of a sudden the music stopped....a voice came into the ear phones...."Hello Sharon. This is as far as your body will go into the machine." (I was immediately wondering if God actually spoke into earphones at this point!!!) "Your head is still out from the tube", said the voice ..."Do you think this will be OK for you?". Well, now my head was bobbing up and down for other reasons other than the beat of the music. I opened my eyes and there above me was his huge massive turquoise and off-white body. I just lay there with my eyes wide open looking up and thanking God for how he spared me from what I thought would be certain death, and a messy one, at that!
The noise of the machine mostly drowned out any music that may have been coming over the air waves. It began as high pitched, sharp noises...gradually moving downward to more muted and low frequencies. Eight sets of three minute "pictures", stopping between each set for a moment. Nothing could be felt for the first twenty minutes or so but the later, lower frequencies I thought I could feel "something" going on in that knee.
Anyway, after almost a half hour, he spit me out of his mouth and I was free once more!
I can't tell you how relieved I was that this was over. But I didn't get a real chance to try out my "meditation" practice. I really wanted to and I was prepared to but, it was not to be....this time. Don't get me wrong. I like sitting with my eyes closed sometimes talking to God and thinking about his goodness but this was just a bit different.
I think I'll have to study a bit about phobias and their causes and ways to overcome them. They CAN be debilitating if we let them.
So, I shall await the Saskatoon doctor's appointment, the specialist who will read the results of the test. I have the CD right here with me. Too bad I couldn't read it myself! The results are so near and yet so far!!
I trust your evening has been a good one. Husband and I just got back from an Ash Wednesday service and my head is marked with the ash of remembrance in the form of a cross. There is more to living this life than meets the eye...
And now for ice and a leg on a pillow.....and a good night's sleep on that king-sized bed!
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