When I get feeling like I'm overloaded I react strangely. I seem to withdraw. I withdraw into myself I suppose in order to get some of these "other" things accomplished that need completing. It's when I'm able to think more clearly or more pointedly in an effort to put my thoughts down on paper. I suppose most folks are like that but sometimes doing the 'writing' thing terrifies me. I don't mind blogging here because it's only my own thoughts on various things...and who would be crazy enough to criticize anyone for thinking their own thoughts anyway? And even if they did, it wouldn't matter much to me. This is my space. This is my place to express me. However, when I get to expressing things that many other people will read, things that are not on my own blog, that becomes a tiny bit more intimidating.
But I feel I was given the opportunity to express some things on behalf of our church and being a part of that church, I expressed those things as best I could. I suppose I can expect some criticism for not saying enough or too much or not expressing this thing properly or saying something that could be construed differently. I shall just take what comes. I ain't no college grad, ya' know! :) I have another kind of paper to do too, but I have a bit of time to complete that.
So, that has been my week. Putting words to paper, doing more physio than I ever thought I could possibly do and going to work a few mornings a week. And even coming back to work is a very difficult thing for me. There are things that are unspoken and I get a 'feeling' at times that life is not what it was before I was off work. Those kinds of things are the most difficult to face. It is difficult when you feel you are a disappointment to people, when you haven't really pulled your weight for so very long. I feel badly about that...
I am in a 'secondary physio program' along with several other folks, five days a week from 1 PM to 4 PM. I am at the gym more than I am at work. A relationship is being built with these people who, like me, have either been in an accident, fallen, had surgery or some such thing. We are all in this together. We all begin our program by walking on the treadmill then we're off to do our own exercises specific to our individual injury. I know their names and they know mine. We greet one another daily and ask how one another is doing that particular day. We encourage each other along as the weeks progress into yet more difficult and tenuous exercise patterns. We come from very different backgrounds but we all have one thing in common. We are attempting very hard to get back to our normal selves, without pain, without limping, without any type of constraint. And we all feel a certain amount of unnecessary guilt. None of us wished these various things to happen but they did. The therapists are intuitive. They know. They attempt to bring out some of our feelings about what happened, to let us know that how we feel is normal. They also tell us the only thing we should be concentrating on is getting back to the way we were and to not lose patience with ourselves. They keep reminding us of how far we have come and what our condition was when we first came to see them.
Anyway, I have some positive things happening too. My potted petunia that was hailed out at Waskesiu is now coming back to life! Guess there's hope for me too! The geranium though, has officially bit the dust:(
I hear thunder. Storms are expected this evening. Hope we don't get anything too severe!
Enjoy your night. May it be blessed.
1 comment:
A heavily loaded week, indeed, and it seems you faced it fully and bravely.
I guess most things are not going to be the same as they were before, and this is what makes it difficult for us. Who are we going to be next?
Thank you for sharing this in such a beautiful way.
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